So tell me, have you turned into “his” all-you-can-eat buffet? You know what I mean. He comes over, lounges around, takes advantage of you–in all kinds of ways, sampling the menu. Then he goes home without paying.
He has no sense of commitment. It may be a relationship and he’s simply incapable of making any kind of meaningful connection. It may be that he’s simply using you. He comes. He takes what he wants and when he’s finished? He skips out on the bill.
OK, enough with the metaphor. But, there are situations where the balance of the relationship is so severely skewed that you might as well be the buffet—a cheap price and no regrets. He doesn’t even have to wash his own dishes.
I’ve been there, admittedly. I had a fling with a guy who’s heart was elsewhere. I was convenient, I made him feel less lonely and he was happy to be the object of my affection.
He had no investment in it, in me, in us.
This can easily happen when you aren’t clear about what you want and what your needs are. You might be too eager to be ‘attached’. You lose perspective and even though part of you knows it’s wrong, you don’t let go.
Some of the signs that you’re being used might include:
- He constantly shows up with his own silverware! (sorry, I couldn’t help myself)
- All the time you spend together is isolated. He isn’t interested in meeting your friends or family and he doesn’t tell you about the people in his life.
- He doesn’t ask much about how your day goes, how you’re feeling or what you might like to do. He sets the agenda.
- You spend most of your time at his place–it’s where he’s comfortable. There’s always an excuse about why he doesn’t want to come to your place.
- He doesn’t call or check-in unless he’s coming over. There’s no daily conversation. He’s only interested in talking to set up the next date.
This isn’t what you’re looking for, is it? I didn’t think so.
You want someone who cares about you. He wants to hear how your work day was and what plans you have for the weekend. He’s not just ‘taking’, he’s ‘giving’ as well. He offers to take you out to dinner, he helps with clean-up when the 2 of you eat in. There will be times when he calls just to say hi, no agenda. Just an “I was thinking about you” call.
It’s easy to start a conversation with a guy…get excited and jump in quickly…too quickly. Then you find yourself in an unbalanced situation.
You can take charge of this situation and state, nicely/calmly, the things you want out of a relationship with him. He’ll either welcome your desire to seek more or he’ll bolt! One way or another you’ll get a clear sense of his level of commitment.
The key to any lasting relationship is the willingness of both parties to be open to conversation, to share and to plan together for mutual enjoyment. Anything less than that is not OK.
Remember that you deserve more. And, then go get it.