The Diva of Dating - Over 50 Dating Advice From The Diva

Have You Become His All-You-Can-Eat Buffet?

By Walker aka The Diva · 3 Comments · In Dating Basics

So tell me, have you turned into “his” all-you-can-eat buffet? You know what I mean. He comes over, lounges around, takes advantage of you–in all kinds of ways, sampling the menu. Then he goes home without paying.

He has no sense of commitment. It may be a relationship and he’s simply incapable of making any kind of meaningful connection. It may be that he’s simply using you. He comes. He takes what he wants and when he’s finished? He skips out on the bill.

OK, enough with the metaphor. But, there are situations where the balance of the relationship is so severely skewed that you might as well be the buffet—a cheap price and no regrets. He doesn’t even have to wash his own dishes.

I’ve been there, admittedly. I had a fling with a guy who’s heart was elsewhere. I was convenient, I made him feel less lonely and he was happy to be the object of my affection.

OBJECT.

He had no investment in it, in me, in us.

This can easily happen when you aren’t clear about what you want and what your needs are. You might be too eager to be ‘attached’. You lose perspective and even though part of you knows it’s wrong, you don’t let go.

Some of the signs that you’re being used might include:

He constantly shows up with his own silverware! (sorry, I couldn’t help myself)
All the time you spend together is isolated. He isn’t interested in meeting your friends or family and he doesn’t tell you about the people in his life.
He doesn’t ask much about how your day goes, how you’re feeling or what you might like to do. He sets the agenda.
You spend most of your time at his place–it’s where he’s comfortable. There’s always an excuse about why he doesn’t want to come to your place.
He doesn’t call or check-in unless he’s coming over. There’s no daily conversation. He’s only interested in talking to set up the next date.

This isn’t what you’re looking for, is it? I didn’t think so.

You want someone who cares about you. He wants to hear how your work day was and what plans you have for the weekend. He’s not just ‘taking’, he’s ‘giving’ as well. He offers to take you out to dinner, he helps with clean-up when the 2 of you eat in. There will be times when he calls just to say hi, no agenda. Just an “I was thinking about you” call.

It’s easy to start a conversation with a guy…get excited and jump in quickly…too quickly. Then you find yourself in an unbalanced situation.

You can take charge of this situation and state, nicely/calmly, the things you want out of a relationship with him. He’ll either welcome your desire to seek more or he’ll bolt! One way or another you’ll get a clear sense of his level of commitment.

The key to any lasting relationship is the willingness of both parties to be open to conversation, to share and to plan together for mutual enjoyment. Anything less than that is not OK.

Remember that you deserve more. And, then go get it.

Single? Are You Ready For Sex?

By Walker aka The Diva · 1 Comment · In The Diva

I am all in favor of having a juicy sex life. And, I see no reason why single men and women can’t have sex–as long as they’re being safe and responsible. Yes, the same kind of safe we lectured our kids about.

Talking about sex when we’re single is the topic of this week’s Sex Expert column on Better After 50 this week. Single, Sexy, Savvy–Are You Ready To Get Between The Sheets?

Here’s a teaser..

By the time we hit 50, we’re mature enough to make decisions about how we use our body and if we want to have sex with that sexy guy at the bar—the one in the pink dress shirt who’s smiling at us over his whiskey—why not?

You’re single and you deserve to have a sex life. In my opinion, as a savvy, informed woman you can have sex with anyone you want as long as you’re being careful and he’s of age!

To read the rest of my sizzling article pop over to BA50

What are your thoughts? Do you feel comfortable having sex with a new guy? I’d love to hear the good stuff and the challenges you’ve encountered.

Dating Advice For Men in Search of a Senior Diva

By Walker aka The Diva · Add Comment · In Dating Basics

What Was Once a Meek Kitten is Now a Roaring Tiger!

Today, Dave O’Brien of Over 50 Dating Secrets offers some tips for my male readers.

If you’re a single senior gent who still refuses to stop for directions, before you go down the dating road again after all these years, you might first want to seek some dating advice for men.

I didn’t think so. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Here’s some friendly dating advice anyway – Even if you were a dating Don Juan in your youth, you may no longer recognize the girls you used to date.

We’re not talking about the way they look all years later. Rather, the mature version of your teen dates are no longer meek kittens waiting to be asked out.

Today’s single senior woman is either unattached by choice or because she is unwilling to compromise on what she wants in a man. She is no longer waiting for you to choose her. Just like you, sir, she has shaped her life, established her dreams and ambitions and knows what she wants for every aspect of her future.

Contrary to what you Neanderthal thinking senior males may believe, the modern single senior woman is not likely to scuttle her life in order to fit into yours. A senior relationship is now more about an equal partnership of mutual interests than the stereotypical union where the male is the head of the household.

Sorry old chaps. You can resist all the dating advice you want. However, it appears that it is you who has the more adapting to do if you want to avoid growing into a single grumpy old man.

To be sure, there are old fashioned single senior women perfectly willing to be subservient to men even in this day and age, but do you honestly still want that?

Instead, imagine the lifestyle of a dynamic duo, both energized by common interests and goals, both able to mentally and physically stimulate each other, both excited to make the Golden years the best of times shaped by respect and love of each other.

DATING TIPS FOR THE NEW AGE SENIOR MALE

For those of you who want a vibrant tigress for a life partner rather than a meek kitten, here’s the good news; There are thousands of accomplished Boomer single women retiring every day, many of them looking to begin the next exciting chapter in their life with a progressive-thinking senior mate.

If you think you may still have some Caveman thinking and habits to overcome in order to attract quality single seniors of the female kind, here are some tips to help you measure up to HER standards:

Old Fashioned Manners – Old fashioned thinking may be out, but old fashioned values and manners are still attractive. Always treating her as a lady is a must.

Let the Lady Lead – The modern single senior woman still likes being doted on, but also likes to nurture her man. A smart man knows when to follow her lead, volunteers to help and then does as he is told.

Talk Things Through – The “my way or the highway” days are over. A great way to show respect is to discuss all matters that impact the two of you. Always ask for her guidance or opinion.

Listen More Than Talk – Equality starts at the very first date. Do you try to dominate the discussion? You are much better off to dominate the listening.

Ask the Right Questions – At a first date, pass on the mundane questions. How many relationships she has had can come much later. Instead, ask questions that allow her to express her feelings and reveal her character. Don’t forget that she wants to impress as much as you do.

Lighten Up – Make sure levity is a big part of a first date and never let it disappear. With all those career pressures behind you, it’s time to live, love and laugh and she has earned it as much as you.

Dress to Impress – Part of a first impression is attire. Don’t over dress, but dress for the occasion and in a way that tells her that you gave it some thought and made an effort to look your best for her. After all, she did that for you.

Enable Her to be Herself – Do you find yourself trying to mould your date into the image you see as the ideal mate? This means you still want to be the alpha male and you are not ready to date. Don’t even try to manipulate the modern senior woman unless you like lots of ‘one-and-done’ dates.

If this dating checklist causes you more anxiety than confidence, you may need a mental tune-up before jumping back into the game. Single senior women are more likely to come to a first date with a pretty good understanding of what they want in a man and they are prepared to walk away if you don’t fit the bill.

Dating advice for men is needed more than ever because while dating is never out of date, are you?

P. David O’Brien is a retired single senior. He spent most of his career as a journalist with the multiple award-winning Metroland Group of Community Newspapers in Canada.

In addition to being a blogger on matters of health for both men and women of all ages, O’Brien has written an eBook on senior dating titled Over 50 Dating Secrets. His book is available for Kindle devices on Amazon.com and on his web site at www.Over50DatingSecrets.com.

O’Brien can be reached at dave@over50secrets.com, Facebook and Twitter.

Being Alone Versus Feeling Alone -The Single Life

By Walker aka The Diva · 2 Comments · In The Diva

This is–and isn’t–one of those blog posts where I apologize for being gone for so long. It’s a complicated story that I’ll share one day.

Part of that story involves having my adult sons and family in my house for most of the last 4 weeks. Lovely, chaotic, and a bit overwhelming when you’re used to a more sedate style of living.

I returned from the train station around 1:30pm Saturday afternoon, sat down on the deck, took a sigh of relief, breathed in the silence and shed a tear. Instead of being deeply thrilled at returning to my own space and the normal rhythms of life, I found myself a little sad.

The glaringly obvious detail is my single status. Friends play a great role in my life, as they do in yours. It’s great to have people to discuss movies and books with, to share an evening out at your favorite restaurant. But, it’s not the same as having an intimate relationship.

The level of intimacy intensifies as we look at the people in our lives. What we share with a friend is not the same as the bonds between families and that is less intense than the intimacy we find with lovers or partners.

Friends ——–>Family———–>Partner/romantic interest.

There is a difference. And, I realized just how huge it is, sitting in silence on my back deck. Don’t get me wrong, as do many of you, I enjoy my single life.

There comes that moment when you miss having a special person in your life.

A granddaughter crawls in your lap and says, “I love you”. An all-grown-up son gives you a hug. The love of your life takes you in his arms and just holds you–quietly, giving you the space to expand, relax, feel connected.

What happens when you find yourself feeling alone?

If you’re tired of being alone what do you do first?

Don’t rush to fill the void in a mindless way. Sit tight and think about what you want–not based on fear or sadness or desire. Find a way to work through whatever brought you to this place initially.

Get active. It’s almost summer—go outside, take a walk, plant something. Buy a new pair of shoes (definitely a female thing), go to a movie alone. Reorganize your music collection, do a little uncluttering. Settle into and celebrate yourself first.

Start to look around for opportunities to meet someone–go to a wine tasting, find a new coffee shop. Sign up for a volunteer event or get involved in a local activity like a community clean-up day. Let your friends know you’re interested in meeting a nice man or woman.

Put yourself out there. Join an online dating site.

Whatever you decide to do, make it a clear, thoughtful process. People on the rebound, or those driven by fear make unattractive partners. You’ll be much more interesting and likely to find an interesting person if you enter the dating scene with a clear head and heart.

What’s my first step going to be? I’ll let you know next week. Today, I’m off to recycle and enjoy the gorgeous weather.

What are you going to do to get ready for a new partner?