Let’s talk about sex! Just because we are over 50 doesn’t mean we aren’t thinking about sex. I know you do…. I’m writing about orgasms-Want Pleasure? Learn How to Become More Orgasmic and erectile dysfunction-Let Me Play The Sex Expert, Just For a Day, over at A Woman’s Page, which means I’ve been researching and reading about sex. Reading about it is like exercising the muscle. It has the effect of making you think about it and want it. So, I thought we should talk about sex today.
The beauty of being over 50 is that we can have sex without fear of pregnancy! We’re old enough that no one is going to lecture us about ‘saving’ it for marriage. And, for most of us, the kids are gone and it’s time for us to pay attention to our own needs.
What To Do When You’re Ready for Sex
You’re dating. You know you want to have sex with this particular person. Are you prepared emotional and physically for an intimate relationship? Let’s talk about some basic steps to help you prepare for a good sexual experience.
- Have you been tested for sexual transmitted infections/diseases? You should get tested as a matter of good health practices. Sexually transmitted diseases can stay hidden for years particularly if there were no symptoms that would allow you to detect their presence. Go to your internist, gynecologist or the local health department for testing. Once you’ve got your results it will be much simpler to ask your partner to get tested as well.
- Do you have supplies? And, by this I mean condoms and lubricant. Some women tend to dry out with age and/or menopause so a good lubricant can come in handy. Actually a good lubricant is useful for everyone. Here’s a primer on lubricants if you’re uncertain about which type to buy.
- Are you mentally prepared to have sex? The first time you take this step with a new guy or woman can be a little scary. It may have been years since you’ve had sex and that could bring a number of concerns. Take the time to get ready for sex. Think about expectations and how you feel about being intimate. And most importantly, be sure you want to have sex with this person.
Getting in The Mood
You’ve had a couple of dates and you know things are heading towards sex so it’s time to prepare. What does that mean for you? Do you get a pedicure or a wax job? Do you bring your own lubricant and something sexy to slip into? Maybe you choose to just let things happen naturally and you don’t make any preparations?
If this is your first time to have sex as a newly single person, regardless of whether you’re divorced or widowed, are you ready to take this step? I remember having sex with my ex-boyfriend, several months after we broke up, and crying right after we had finished. It was totally unexpected. I couldn’t really explain and fortunately he wasn’t the type who was going to ask. It was a wave of emotion I hadn’t anticipated–a little regret mixed in with the pleasure I hadn’t experienced in a number of months.
Are you concerned about performance issues? This might be the time to talk about having sex before you get into bed. He or she is likely to be as nervous as you are. You can create a sexy conversation designed to excite but inform as well. You can talk about the ways you like to be touched or what your expectation is for the evening. If your partner has very different thoughts or doesn’t seem interested in learning about what excites you then you might want to back away from sex.
Planning is always a good thing, but sometimes you both feel the urge and you just make it happen. If you feel the attraction and want to have sex then go for it. Make sure you both want the same thing and don’t forget to suggest condoms if you haven’t been tested.
Having sex with someone you enjoy and are attracted to can be great fun. Just be clear on what you want from the experience and whether you expect something more. If you see this as the beginning of a long-term relationship make sure your partner sees things the same way. As long as you’re both clear on expectations, in and out of the bed, you’ll have more fun.
What other types of things do you do in preparation for a sexy evening?
photo from ThirdAge.com