One of the lessons I was taught as a teen was how to attract men. I had great potential but failed repeatedly, based on the many times my mother felt the need to correct me. Or so it seemed.

I was a talkative child, always getting in trouble in school; the perfect choice for distracting teachers and diverting the attention of the whole class.

My mother thought I talked too much. “You shouldn’t be so bold with boys” or something similar after I cancelled a date because I wasn’t in the mood.  I didn’t wear makeup- CARDINAL SIN. And, I obviously didn’t dress femininely enough for my mother–who I guess was sure I wouldn’t find a man. Girls in the South were supposed to be a little more demure, a little less assertive.

I tried. I really did. Sorta.

There is plenty of dating advice for the over 50 woman. How to act, how to dress, what to talk about.  How to be the woman he wants. Much of it takes me back to those teen years.

Men like women to be feminine.

Men like women in skirts.  

Wear high-heels, you’ll look sexier. 

Reentering the dating scene? Get your hair done, buy a new outfit and some new lipstick. 

In general men like to be masculine and they want their woman to be feminine. Agreed. Legs do look prettier in high-heels. The unnatural shape creates an arch that looks pretty, despite the fact that it can damage your feet.  A little makeup can brighten up a face, command attention while smoothing out the aging spots.

The Story of Stuart, Or How I Went About Attracting A Man 

Maybe I’ve already shared this story, but it bears repeating. When I found Stuart online I was so excited. I liked his look, starched shirt, and classic features. He was looking for a special type of woman. He wanted someone who enjoyed nice lingerie, wore heels–in other words he wanted a very feminine, sensuous woman. I didn’t think I was that woman. But, I wanted to snare him, so I gave it my best shot.

I have skirts and 2 pairs of low-heeled shoes (I prefer flats or wedges). And, I bought a low-cut, but tasteful blouse. It only required a little extra effort to move from my everyday look to what Stuart wanted in a woman.

He was sexy. He was classic and well-groomed, intelligent and a great conversationalist. He knew his way around a wine menu and exuded an air of confidence. And, he found me very sensuous. Awesome, as my kids say.

But it didn’t work out with Stuart. I broke it off after the second date for a couple of reasons.

I wasn’t living the life of the woman he envisioned. Yes, I could play The Sensuous Woman. But the real me loves jeans and baggy tops. The real me doesn’t wear Natori nightgowns around the house or put on heels unless someone has died or is getting married. The real me is indeed quite sensuous but not in a high-maintenance-dolled-up kind of way.

I became the vision of what Stuart wanted. Not the person I wanted to be loved as.

You Don’t Have to Follow The Advice. Be Yourself

Balance is everything in relationships. Of course you want (and should expect  him to want) to put a little effort into looking nice for a first date. Even if it’s coffee on a Sunday morning. But you can’t recreate yourself to find a man.

If you’re reentering the dating game after many years you may lack self-confidence or feel uncertain about the man-woman attraction thing. If so, a new haircut and a makeover might be just the thing to make you feel better. If it’s about making you feel good. Wouldn’t it be upsetting to spend a couple hundred bucks on a new look only to discover that you’re not miraculously pulling in the guys? Would you feel cheated? Or want to find an expert to tell you what you aren’t doing right?

Be the woman you want to be. Love yourself. That alone can radiate the same kind of energy that others are spending money to ‘create’.

I am no longer willing to distort my image of myself as a strong, confident 58-year-old woman to attract a man. I can go out on a date in flats, minimal makeup and slacks and feel just fine. I feel and look comfortable. I can still be sexy–if I want to.

P.S. If Mr. Right is turned off by the fact that I’m not wearing a skirt and heels—he’s not my kind of guy.

Walker

Magnetic attraction- Glamour magazine

Over 50 woman- www.afemmeduncertainage.blogspot.com

9 Responses to How To Attract A Man-Good Advice for The Over 50 Woman?

  1. Cynthia says:

    I don’t have problems with my appearance, I am nervous with meeting someone new after a negative marriage and dating a guy for years and dumped, he said, do to my age. I am 51 years old and I still feel like I want the intimacy of someone special but don’t want to continue to be hurt. What can I do to build my confidence to connect with someone looking for love.

  2. Monique says:

    It’s been quite a while since I dated, partly because I’ve been very busy professionally, and partly because I had a very bad break up that left me emotionally exhausted. I’ve looked tentatively online at the dating sites but I’m reluctant to have my profile posted because I do have something of a public reputation to protect. Can you give me some hints for finding someone new?

  3. matau zwane says:

    I prefer heels, wear skirts , have a great personality but still lonely

  4. Carolynn Harding says:

    Hi im a 58 year old woman and have been single now for six years. I have got use to my own company but really miss dating and male company. I dont go out often as lost my confidence and I seem to be overlooked by men even when I dress up in sexy clothes.

  5. Maria says:

    To say “be yourself” is fine and good but what happens when it doesn’t met you any attention let alone dates? I’m nearly 54, haven’t had a boyfriend since 2010! Being “me” hasn’t helped at all. So what would you suggest? and don’t say “love yourself” that crap gets old…and doesn’t get you any closer to getting a man.

  6. Julia says:

    I love this advice. It’s right on the money. On the other hand, there is loneliness to consider. If you’ve been married for years, then dumped, it’s a hard thing to risk yourself, again. Maybe who & the way you are now isn’,t attractive to men. Perhaps a woman does need to reassess herself at various times during her life to insure she still exudes the sensuality, confidence & physical attractiveness for which she was once so sought after. We must evaluate “who” we’ve become over the years not so much how we prefer to dress, whether or not we wear heels &/or makeup. It should go w/out saying a woman at any age should care for herself in every way. Caring for ourselves in terms of our personalities, interests, demands about what we want men to accept about us is also important to be fair. We want them to be all of the things you described & more. None of those spoke to his physical being but more to “who” he is. Aren’t we obligated to ascertain we’re the same sensual, attractive package for them internally, as well as externally. Life can bruise many women, thus the 11 between our eyebrows & frown lines on our foreheads. Perhaps time spent assessing ourselves honestly, as women who wish to remain or return to the “who” we were that drew men to us in our youth is more important than refusing to modify ourselves outwardly a bit, be more tolerant of a man’s point of view &/or everyone’s for that matter & don’t dwell so much on what we aren’t willing to do to be attractive to a man/men, when we pass the age of 50. I’ve been told by many men friends, “Older women become intimidating, judgemental, demanding & too difficult to enjoy being with rather than less physically attractive.” I’ve been told most men don’t really care whether we wear skirts, heels, makeup etc… (I was told long ago, by my husband of 30+ yrs, “You’d look good in a burlap sack”. They prefer us to be relaxed in our demeanor (not a doormat or with no substance) but tolerant & not so demanding &/or critical of men (jaded by our life experiences). Also men of a certain age want women of a certain age to be energetic & fun, as well as intelligent & savvy. They’re not much different as they’re older in terms of what they were attracted to about us, when we were younger. Generally, my experience with this question from men is, we want you to rise above life experiences that may have been &/or are scarring, heartbreaking, distracting, etc… & remain the self u were, as much as possible. Be confident & alive but not become a rigid, opinionated, judgmental witch who expects so much from men & everyone else. I’ve heard rhis repeatedly, “We don’t care what you wear. In fact, we’d prefer you to be comfortable in every way, as we want to be ourselves”. There are exceptions but those aren’t men who’ll be attracted to a woman who’s 50+ no matter what she does or doesn’t do. Those men aren’t worth you wasting ANY of your precious time trying to satisfy. A 50+ woman will never be the true attraction, even if she allows herself to be controlled/manipulated into a characature of what he really wants.

    We women of the 50+ group need to examine “who” we’ve become first, before we focus on the many outward aspects of sensuality, attractiveness & beauty we think men want. We need to rethink how we see the world, men & what our behavior is in it. You know who you are &, if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll decide to try to rediscover the you you were, when the men were flocking to spend time with you. Weren’t you a different version of the woman you are now? Now you have so many more layers to the you you’ve become. Many of those layers can be scars on your heart & soul that now detract from your beauty, sensuality & attractiveness to men. Perhaps peeling away those less than lovely/lovable layers is more important to being a man magnet than worrying about wearing makeup, heels &/or sexy lingerie. When you’re gorgeous & sensual inside & you project that in your behavior, no makeovers on the outside are necessary. Not to say attention to our outward appearance is irrelevant, I don’t believe that’s true at all but letting go of the negative layers of “who” we may have become at 50+, while living lives that haven’t been so perfect, wounded us &/or left us with broken hearts, souls & personalities may just be the makeover we need. The first & most important place to begin is to be brutally honest with yourself about “who” you have become inside, as a 50+ woman & take responsibility for you. Then, work to free yourself of as many hardened, intolerant, judgmental, generally negative layers you may have acquired over the years. You can strive to become the you you were, only better, when men in general were so attracted to you. I’ve heard it said many times, “There’s nothing more beautiful than a mature woman whose beautiful inside & radiates that beauty outwardly”. It goes without saying attention to your entire self in terms of your outward appearance for “healthy” reasons is also important. However, if you’re beautiful inside, you behave that way & it shows, it doesn’t matter what you wear, or how many makeovers you don’t get, you’ll be attractive to men.

  7. Summer says:

    Is it possible to be sexy as older Tom Boy? I am self reliant and independent. But I love companionship with a fit attractive man. I like an active lifestyle and travel a lot. But at this age I’ve noticed that men are either too nervous or unsure of themselves. And in some cases very emotionally damaged. I am an intelligent and good looking women. Yet I find myself having a hard time finding someone. I am emotionally stable and have my own house and financially disciplined. I have a very wide variety of interest and like doting on a gentleman. I’m romantic and not over bearing. I’m looking for a fun loving, intelligent, fit, attractive man. So what’s the problem?

  8. KB says:

    Really? Heels & a skirt is what it takes.If so, then no thank you. I know how do do all that, but I’m not into attracting a man that does not want a deeper more spiritual experience. Finding someone that truly values a meaningful relationship is what I’m looking for. Just don’t know where to meet this kind of guy.

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