I was a talkative child, always getting in trouble in school; the perfect choice for distracting teachers and diverting the attention of the whole class.
My mother thought I talked too much. ”You shouldn’t be so bold with boys” or something similar after I cancelled a date because I wasn’t in the mood. I didn’t wear makeup- CARDINAL SIN. And, I obviously didn’t dress femininely enough for my mother–who I guess was sure I wouldn’t find a man. Girls in the South were supposed to be a little more demure, a little less assertive.
I tried. I really did. Sorta.
There is plenty of dating advice for the over 50 woman. How to act, how to dress, what to talk about. How to be the woman he wants. Much of it takes me back to those teen years.
Men like women to be feminine.
Men like women in skirts.
Wear high-heels, you’ll look sexier.
Reentering the dating scene? Get your hair done, buy a new outfit and some new lipstick.
In general men like to be masculine and they want their woman to be feminine. Agreed. Legs do look prettier in high-heels. The unnatural shape creates an arch that looks pretty, despite the fact that it can damage your feet. A little makeup can brighten up a face, command attention while smoothing out the aging spots.
The Story of Stuart, Or How I Went About Attracting A Man
Maybe I’ve already shared this story, but it bears repeating. When I found Stuart online I was so excited. I liked his look, starched shirt, and classic features. He was looking for a special type of woman. He wanted someone who enjoyed nice lingerie, wore heels–in other words he wanted a very feminine, sensuous woman. I didn’t think I was that woman. But, I wanted to snare him, so I gave it my best shot.
I have skirts and 2 pairs of low-heeled shoes (I prefer flats or wedges). And, I bought a low-cut, but tasteful blouse. It only required a little extra effort to move from my everyday look to what Stuart wanted in a woman.
He was sexy. He was classic and well-groomed, intelligent and a great conversationalist. He knew his way around a wine menu and exuded an air of confidence. And, he found me very sensuous. Awesome, as my kids say.
But it didn’t work out with Stuart. I broke it off after the second date for a couple of reasons.
I wasn’t living the life of the woman he envisioned. Yes, I could play The Sensuous Woman. But the real me loves jeans and baggy tops. The real me doesn’t wear Natori nightgowns around the house or put on heels unless someone has died or is getting married. The real me is indeed quite sensuous but not in a high-maintenance-dolled-up kind of way.
I became the vision of what Stuart wanted. Not the person I wanted to be loved as.
You Don’t Have to Follow The Advice. Be Yourself
Balance is everything in relationships. Of course you want (and should expect him to want) to put a little effort into looking nice for a first date. Even if it’s coffee on a Sunday morning. But you can’t recreate yourself to find a man.
If you’re reentering the dating game after many years you may lack self-confidence or feel uncertain about the man-woman attraction thing. If so, a new haircut and a makeover might be just the thing to make you feel better. If it’s about making you feel good. Wouldn’t it be upsetting to spend a couple hundred bucks on a new look only to discover that you’re not miraculously pulling in the guys? Would you feel cheated? Or want to find an expert to tell you what you aren’t doing right?
Be the woman you want to be. Love yourself. That alone can radiate the same kind of energy that others are spending money to ‘create’.
I am no longer willing to distort my image of myself as a strong, confident 58-year-old woman to attract a man. I can go out on a date in flats, minimal makeup and slacks and feel just fine. I feel and look comfortable. I can still be sexy–if I want to.
P.S. If Mr. Right is turned off by the fact that I’m not wearing a skirt and heels—he’s not my kind of guy.
Magnetic attraction- Glamour magazine
Over 50 woman- www.afemmeduncertainage.blogspot.com