What happened this weekend? Did you have a first date with a woman you met on an online dating site? Chances are good that it wasn’t all you had hoped for.
It happens. She seems nice, the date was OK but… The date could have been a smashing success on one level, but somewhere deep inside, you know she’s not the one.
What do you do?
Man Up. Tell her.
What is it about online dating that gives people permission to be rude? If you’re over 50, I know you were raised with good manners. We were taught as children to say Yes Sir, No Ma’am and all the other social niceties. (unless you were raised in a cave by wild animals) Why would you feel that a date didn’t deserve to be treated politely?
You had a date. Maybe you even kissed her. And, in the clear light of day you realize that you have no interest in seeing her again. It happens. She may feel the same way. It’s part of the game.
Sure, you could just ignore her, block her profile, pretend it never happened and hope you don’t run into her around town. But, why not do the right thing?
Ten Ways to Let A Woman (or Man) Know You’re Not Interested
Write her, it’s the easiest, cleanest way to handle the situation.
Thanks so much for meeting me for coffee/lunch/a walk yesterday. It was nice to meet you but_________________________.
I wish you the best in your search,
Possible Lines to Use:
- I think I’ll continue my search (Not a favorite but one that was used on me)
- I met another woman at the same time and I think she and I will hit it off. (you can get caught in this one if she sees you still browsing online.)
- I just don’t think we’re a good fit.
- This really isn’t the best time for me to start dating right now.
- I prefer not to date someone who lives too far away.
- I met someone else. (lame, but at least you’re letting her know)
- You’re a great woman but I think I’m looking for something else.
- I’m less/more serious than you seem to be right now.
- I had a great time, maybe we’ll run into each other down the road. (evasive but she’ll get the point)
- I don’t think we’re looking for the same things in a relationship.
Admit to a Lack of Chemistry But Don’t Go Into Detail
The goal here is to squash any expectations as quickly as possible. Do not go into detail about why it’s not a good fit–that opens you up to a follow-up email that could be argumentative, given her/his personality. You don’t want one of these, “… if you don’t like cats/dogs/my tiny apartment, I can get rid of it”. Just be direct and to the point. Make it clear that there’s really nothing else to say.
You’ll feel better, she’ll get the message and you’re done. Simple, polite and efficient.
This is a simple gesture. It doesn’t take much of your time and it will make someone else feel a little better about themselves. And, hopefully when it’s your turn, she will be polite enough to do the same.
You should send a no thank you to winks or flirts and those standard “I’m interested” emails as well. Most dating sites have a feature that allows you to send an automated reply.
If you’re dating you obviously have the goal of finding a fun, companionable person to spend time with. Treating each other with respect should extend to all the circumstances surrounding dating. Even though this is online dating, the interactions you have are with real people who you may encounter at some point in life. If you had a business lunch you would send a quick thank you, right? Treat your date with the same courtesy.
Tell us how you handle flirts, requests, emails and dates when the person is someone you’re not interested in. Honest. Do you send a ‘no thanks’? I do, 98% of the time. The only time I will not send anything is if the person seems suspicious or is inappropriate, then I simply ignore all interactions. I’ve even written to thank a guy for telling me he wasn’t interested, to let him know I appreciated his courtesy.