If you have no idea of what I’m talking about, read my earlier post on WIGS, Tips On Speed Dating From The New WIGS Series, Christine. I covered the first 5 episodes in that post. Today we’ll look at the next three episodes.
Christine is still at the dating venue and she seems to be coming unhinged, slowly. I could do an analysis of her, drawing on my long-lost psychology degree, but I think we’ll look at the dating aspects of the films.
Episode Six is Art, played beautifully by Sean Astin. He approaches, hears her first name and immediately blurts out that his ex-wife’s name was Christine. And from there, we descend into one of those No-No places for a first date. Talking about the divorce, the failed marriage, the ex-wife. There is an air of sadness about Art that is compelling and off-putting at the same time. If I were across the table from Art I probably wouldn’t want to go out with him. Why? I think he’s still grieving over the end of his marriage. He doesn’t feel reconciled or ready to move on.
Dating someone who has clear emotional baggage puts both parties at jeopardy. Unresolved issues bring up emotions–rarely good ones. If one of you is still holding on to the last partner there really isn’t space for someone new.
There are a couple of tell-tale signs that someone is holding on to strong emotions or reacting negatively because of a previous relationship. You know those profiles that start out with what feels like a rant? The ones where he or she lists all the traits you should not have? Yep! Some profiles are more direct…the guy will say, I’m finally out of that marriage. I’ve even seen a profile that started with “I’m not sure I’m ready to date….”. That’s a person you don’t want to go out with ( I want to be gentle and not say, don’t waste your time).
Art, though sad and clearly in some pain, is very insightful and seems to be compassionate. He’s complex. And, though I might be skittish about his recent divorce, I like his ability to talk about experiences.
Episode Seven, Max, is where the shit hits the fan. We get excited when Daniel comes over during a break in the dating to let Christine know he’s interested. He’s trying to make sure she remembers him as the evening goes along–it’s sweet. And, the scene where Daniel and Stephan are sizing each other up? Classic. What woman wouldn’t want to have 2 men vying for her attention?
Then the series takes a dramatic turn. All the hesitancies and bad vibes we’ve been feeling come together as we discover that Christine is married and the mother of 2 children. With a husband who, though very creepy looking, must be a very patient man. We don’t have enough information right now to judge. And, who are any of us (speaking as a divorced woman) to attempt to judge in a situation like this when we really don’t know what is going on. Clearly Christine is having some major issues; she may even be bordering on mental illness. I’m sure we’ll get more insight as the series continues to unfold.
Episode Eight: Oz. Poor man. He walked into something he couldn’t have possibly expected. The goal of any form of dating is to present your best, or at least your good, side in the quest to find a dating partner. Attacking them is hardly the way to start. She seems to be unraveling and much to my surprise Oz comments that she’s the most interesting woman he’s met so far. I hope that wasn’t a sign of real interest in her. At that point she’s not a woman who ANY man should want to have a date with. Really. If you meet someone who behaves like that on a first date, you should politely and quickly end the date and leave.
Lessons can we learn from Christine’s last two dates:
- If you’re gonna lie, get your story down pat and stick with it. She’s changed her career story at least three times. Will she remember what she told each guy? It’s best to be honest.
- Aggression is an unattractive characteristic to show on a date, male or female. Do not throw blunt, sharply spoken questions at your date. While there is much to be said for directness, this is when we show our softer sides. Without being sexist or ageist (both of which I detest), I have to say that men over the age of sixty are not likely to find an overly assertive or aggressive woman very attractive. Women don’t necessarily want to be with a strongly aggressive man either.
- I assume that both parties are on their best behavior during the first date. If he is sexually aggressive, shows anger or other strong emotions I wonder what he’ll be like once the ‘shine’ has worn off! It’s a warning sign.
- It’s much better to take time to heal from a relationship before heading quickly into the dating scene. You’re carrying around emotions that might damage a potentially great relationship. And, if you’re dating someone who’s still caught up in some kind of tragedy/drama/separation you risk getting caught up in their mess.
We all know that dating is difficult. Coming to a dating relationship with unresolved feelings about your last partner or with a desire to escape isn’t healthy. As you begin the dating process, be aware of the warning signs and think carefully before getting involved with someone who isn’t fully ready to be an equal partner.
What are your thoughts on dating and emotional baggage? Or on Christine and her dating meltdown?